From Saint to Stereotype: A Story of Brigid
Caricatures of Irish immigrants–especially Irish women–have softened, but persist in characters whose Irishness is expressed in subtle cues.
Creations
Caricatures of Irish immigrants–especially Irish women–have softened, but persist in characters whose Irishness is expressed in subtle cues.
Welcome to New York City, where the Ghost of Tin Pan Alley still lurks.
This is an NYC tale about an EVIL force that threatens performers along the Mohican Road (The Bowery / Broadway). As the demon makes the author ill, she finds a balm- A SALVATION - in the performances of Fall 2023. One by The Mary Wallopers, one by a dance group doing a musical dance show called Arena. Both groups BATTLE the old cold thing.
The author illuminates histories of Black and Irish stereotypes in American Sheet Music.
8.5in x 11in, staple bound, printed on 80lb un-coated paper with a 100lb glossy cover.
Zine is full color baby, 44 pages
Trust me, you will love it.
This in an elite zine.
Limited Edition First Run of 51 Prints.
Original Working Title: The Mary Wallopers & Arena & Vaudeville Clairsentience in NYC
HYPOTHESIS:
The mind which understands basic things about American Vaudeville geography in New York City will have a haunting, meaning-filled, and evocative experience watching performances, in the present, there. Vaudeville awareness leads to nuanced takes.
PRE-ORDER ZINE 1: The Mary Wallopers and Arena and Vaudeville Clairsentience
This zine will blow your mind, feel good to touch, and rest wonderfully in your hands.
It concerns Irish American and Black American performance in NYC, specifically two shows I saw in fall of 2023.
Show One: The Mary Wallopers and Sam Shackelton at Irving Plaza.
Show Two: “Arena”, by Artist Derek Fordjour, Choreographer Sidra Bell, and Composer Hannah Mayree performed at Petzel Gallery.
Seemed like the Vaudeville was alive in well, but in a way that felt very surprising and releasing. The possibilities for a collective de-colonial explosion seem high. Are the forgotten vaudeville thoroughfares - The Bowery, 14th St./Union Square and Tin Pan Alley - actually still running shit?
FIND OUT!
San Benedito is here. Listen to my second album in full here and wherever albums are streamed.
Support my work and purchase an album through Bandcamp:
melaniecurran.bandcamp.com/album/san-benedito-beach
I am selling CD-Shaped original paintings there!
“…You'll get your own unique incarnation of the San Benedito album cover which can be framed and hung in your realm. Comes with a download code, liner notes and a whole lot of CUTENESS! Ink and watercolor on paper by Melanie Beth Curran herself…”
Have a pleasant time at the beach.
Glenswilly by Melanie Curran
fare thee well my honey where ever you may travel
may you never want for money far across the sea
remember to tread gentle don't take more than is owed you
nothin’ comes for nothin in the land of the free
chorus!
when you see the house of the rising sun
or lie your head in the fields of green
remember me as the one who loved you best
back in old glenswilly
take good care of this fine hewn leather satchel
remember say a prayer for your arrival at the shore
lend your hand to the ones who come behind you
never turn your back on the ones who’ve come before
chorus
when you breathe that air well you’re not the first to breathe it
when you take that train well you’re not the first to ride
take your time with the pangs of bereavement
glenswilly’s not a place so easily let behind
chorus
when you’re old and grey and your poor bones grow brittle
and they lay you in the clay and mark you with a stone
I’ll be there to meet you in the middle
and guide you on your way as you take the long way home
chorus
— I wrote this song for my great grandpa Frank Curran, coming from the perspective of his caregiver back in Glenswilly, County Donegal, Ireland. Maybe these words are the words of parting that were never shared but always felt. He left for America when he was about 13.
SHE WHO PREFERS FRANCE DURING ONSET OF PLAGUE
I am an American, in exile, in Bretagne, willingly. It would be untrue to state that there is not a lust for adventure in my choice to remain abroad during the Corona Virus outbreak. The Fulbright Program, a classic American cultural exchange institution, which since 1948 has propelled mathematicians and artists and aspiring diplomats and scholars and scientists into the Great American Honor of having travelled, shared, and thought in foreign lands, is herby suspended. I, like some of my fellow fellows, “The Left-Behinds”, have decided to stay in France, despite the level 4 travel warning. The State Departments’ official letters demanding that all nationals prestently abroad return to the United States, have not swayed me. Being told to return feels akin to receiving Titanic tickets. By remaining in Brest, I have avoided passage onto what I fear is ship even spookier than the Diamond Princess. It’s my America! Right now! Facing the pitfalls of its for-profit healthcare system, its lack of social safety net, its history of bad reactions to perceived menaces, which, stalking the edges of frontier consciousness, are often overreacted to, and often with guns.
Perhaps! You are receiving this email newsletter for the first time. If so far it reminds you of that ill-fated voyage of the unsinkable ship, you can unsubscribe by scrolling to the bottom and clicking. A lifeboat in the form of an unsubscribe button lives there. For others reading this for the first time who are thus far enjoying it, I am pleased to tell you it only comes once a season. I try to be a faithful mailer on the equinox and solstices, in keeping with the grand Neo-pagan witchcraft traditions of the Pacific Northwest of the United States of America.
Now, please let me introduce to you my newest art baby. Perhaps the pleasure of Corona Virus is that we all have more time to listen to music. This circumstance is a blip of good fortune to those like me, who record songs and share them. Without further ado, I give you Melanie Beth Curran’s Lost Love Tapes. I hope they are a retreat into an alternate reality via sound. Ahem, via "quaran-tunes".
Please consider buying this miniature album for five bucks or more. And consider buying albums from all the independent artists in America and The World whose gigs have now been cancelled. My gig, the Fulbright Fellowship, has been cancelled. No longer will I be able to solicit funds from them for the continuation of my project in summer. No, this is the time of a buckledown. Of new hustles. One of mine is always bandcamp.
WHAT ARE THE LOST LOVE TAPES?
Watch the video about it here.
From an outcropping of moist grass on the Montmartre hillside, these songs stumble inebriated. It's basement champagne again in the open, while howls clamor out the speakers of a tinny radio. These songs are both Great Worldly Standards and Made Up Songs By Yours' Truly (Numbers 2, and 5). They are sung from the silken strands of Spring, or roped and wrangled from the armpit of a Transatlantic accent, or put through the filter of an un-plugged microphone abandoned on the outskirts of Versailles.
The songs were constructed, which is to say recorded, out of a thrilling combo of patience on a September Afternoon in Queens and the luscious hardwood of custom guitar. Of a brilliant guitarist a-company, Jacob Sanders (more on him later). Also of my voice, which was aching for a new approach to the show tune during the period in question. The recording session was a living room situation, to be sure. Early September in the waning last year of the 2000-teens.
Remember! These songs are no more than a longing released, maybe over Italian Seas, or odes to sightless saints, and/or they were sneezes put through the process of composition. The Lost Love Tapes are the forgotten philosophies of Judy Garland and Liza. Or they are the bubbling misfortune of Europes gone by. Probably they are Trench Soldiers aching for Bosoms, from out of an America patriotic, doomed, and imagined by those who never got the chance to live over there. These songs are Sinatra Stardust and Backstage Honey, dripped over a heartbreak on the last dirt roads of paradise. If you desire a cheap diner egg over easy, yolk trickling to the edge of a late-model clay dish procured from a thrift shop, awaiting its fate, to be broken in a domestic dispute, this is the miniature album for you. It is the album of Plane tickets cancelled. Of glass shattered in the gloaming atrocity of having loved and having failed, gracefully, at holding the other party near.
May you slurp these songs down as brandy wine. Love Tapes are Best listened to while drunk with a radio you taped together yourself in the basement last Christmas during the power outage. Love Tapes are Best listened to through the wall of a DMV in a country where you are no longer a foreigner. Love Tapes are Best listened to underwater, drowning on a cruise ship where I was once your lounge singer- your Diamond Princess. As your songstress I promise to be the ever-loving tour-guide taking leave of her Sacred Heart outcropping, in order to show you the part of the hill where the seedy still gather and yell at children passing by..
The moist grass of Montmartre. The lawns for those with nowhere else to go. The tourists and the monuments, the carousel which in winter goes silent. These are the locales from where to you I sing. These songs are each a mournful busk from a Brooklyn graveyard, or a triumph echoing down the aisles of Valentino -- the grocery store on Fresh Pond Road by the elevated M stop which, below the feet of moving musicians in Queens, supported an entire movement of era-less folkies in the present day. When I pressed play. These songs are each a Fresh Pond overflowing and trickling back down the forgotten wooden crates of imported apples and velvet bed sheets, to the New York Harbor, that beloved oyster bed of yore.
My name is Melanie Beth Curran and these are my lost love tapes but they are your lost love tapes too. My accompanist is Virtuoso found in the Far Fledged Banlieue, in the Oaxacan night, in The Last of the East Village Jazz Standard Hold Outs, Mr. Jacob Sanders, whom I met on the occasion of his having survived a Chicago House Fire and a busted Prius explosion somewhere in the midwest.
We met up for an afternoon in 2019 September and recorded into my iphone four or five or six- I've lost count of the editions. Accept these dodgey masters - for they seek not to impress but to open you, as Fall did me, at the time of their having been sung.
Hymnals laid.
Marches laid.
Just an ode to Old Man River
who just keeps rolling along.
And long have I wanted, to bend at the banks,
and sing my victory songs.
The Lost Love Tapes are yours Now.
FOUR COURSES OF PANDEMIC PROTOCOLS
“I am not logical. I am not cynical! I am beyond what this language can express!
I am your thoughts unexpressed! I am your fears transposed! You need not think about money about rent about work about school about debt about vacation about your anxiety attacks about your depressions and mood swings about your worries of getting older of not being attractive of not having erection of your isolation of your jealousy of your hatred of your impoverished all too impoverished existence.”
- The Corona Virus, as translated by The Society of the Friends of the Virus
Maybe the days I’m living now are saturated to their core with the presence of Macron’s Corona-time Visions. It’s not all total acquiescence here in Brest. Day one of the mandated confinement, I watched a group of drunk guys on the sidewalk below my house describing how unafraid they were of the virus, and hugging one another to prove it. You know this is serious, because the French barely hug each other without the plague.
The implementation of protocols happened in a slow, four course meal way, over a long week-end. On Friday, school was cancelled. On Saturday, clubs, theaters, and bars closed. On Sunday, we went to the last big public market, and bought a bunch of beautiful quarantine delights.
On Monday, France was told not to go to work, and to think about confining themselves. On that day, I went on a beautiful long walk through the botanical garden, and then to the beach, where you would have thought it was the first day of Spring Break. Everyone was out there, kids, teens, grandmas, dogs, and me, sunbathing. The next day, authorities remind everyone that this is an epidemic, not a vacation. The rules are going to get more strict and specific. They’re going to deploy cops to the beaches to prevent relaxation.
I get a text from the government (translated):
COVID-19 Alert!
The president of the republic has announced strict regulations that you will imperatively respect to work against the propagation of the virus, and to save lives. Exits of the house will be authorized with a form, and only for your work, if you cannot telecommute, for your health, or for your essential errands.
Now the rules have shifted. No one can leave their house for more than an hour, more than once a day. We must stay within a 1 km radius of our homes if we do, and we must walk alone, or only with someone from our "Quaranteam". The attestation form has also changed, and can be found on the internet. Did I mention that living in France is basically impossible without a printer, scanner, and fax machine by your bedside? I love analog paperwork, but maybe not this much.
To Americans, I can understand how these measures might seem totalitarian. Counter to the very idea of individual liberty that the French invented in the first place. A concept which took root notably in the old USA. But French independence works differently, or is conceived of differently. In this place, the government may be flawed, but the people are more comfortable with government as the protector of rights, of decorum, and of social systems.
Here, it’s less conceivable to be a part-time musician sometimes fisherman partial homesteader armchair scholar freelance writer who drives Lyft and sells vintage clothes online. Freedom in France comes at the price of losing the hyphenated job titles. Freedom in America comes at the price of losing a social safety net because we can always be whatever we imagine. A social safety net would only entangle us. Or so the story goes. I’m skeptical of both systems. But I’m choosing France for my plague time.
The freedom France has, is the freedom to critique and make fun of Dad - of the government and its shortcomings - while knowing that, in the end, Dad has got you. You’ll be able to get shelter, healthcare and medical treatment, and in the time of plague, the assurance that others will stay in their quarantines, pretty much.
8PM
“To practice other than paranoid forms of knowing does not, in itself, entail a denial of the reality or gravity of enmity or oppression.”
-Eve Sedgwick , from Paranoid and Reparative Reading…
The other night I watched Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window. Today it feels like I’m living it. My street is a strip of glass portals into other people’s lives. Every night at 8 pm, everyone on the rue Victor Hugo leans out of their windows and applauds together. We get to hooting and hollering, screaming a bit, and banging on pots. It is a collective call of gratitude to the health care workers, allegedly, being carried out all over France at various 8 pms. But I think the cries stem from a collective desire to feel less alone right now. The 8 pm applause is like the traditional music of enclosure, serving the sonic needs of the commune.
It pains me to know that some of you are alone right now. I hope this letter can feel like a hug from me, a cheek kiss, or a handshake, depending on our country's style of greeting, and upon our personal relationship. I am lucky because I am not alone right now in my home in Bretagne.
I have been given an unanticipated gift during this plague. Plague perceived, plague in abstract, plague happening very much in the lives of health-care workers and the ill. I am quarantined with my lover, who got stuck in France too. He is another original Pacific Northwesterner in Corona Exile. He and I make complex meals, and I can speak to him of the sweep of the decades, of culture’s crawl through the neo-liberal amber waves of grain, of the death march into de-regulation, of the inherent roundness of cute things as objective category, and how all of these concepts have influenced the makes and models of 20th century automobiles. Fortunately, I am paired with someone who shares my aesthetic taste in vintage vehicles. Not my love for the Grateful Dead though, but what can you do. He is kind and articulate and weird in the very best way of all. Also he is a person that sends out this newsletter. He is fortunately for me, better about taking work breaks, and very committed to an exercise routine, focusing specifically on the glutes. When I get out of quarantine, the Kardashians are going to have someone to contend with.
Should there be Kardashians after this. Here! Here! Let us ring in a New Era, where the real influencers are only mothers and tulips! To be sure.
From Bainbridge Island Wise Woman Katherine Lafond’s Channeling of The Entity of the Corona Virus Through Automatic Writing:
“Be still and know that I am, too! There is nothing in creation that is not Holy. Treat me with respect. I am potent and I have work to do. The world changes by my actions and presence. Who else do you know who is as powerful as I? I can last as long as I am needed. My message of - Stop and return to what life is truly about - is life supporting at a root level.
Humans had forgotten how precious life can be. Unlike a tornado, I have lasting power; sustaining enforcement; I am like the world-police force. You like to say - Let love Lead - Yes, now you have the opportunity to see what that might look like. This is not the time to be killing off that which sustains you; but to relearn right relationship.”
Her final words were:
“To obey equals freedom.”
MUSICIANS BUDS WHO ARE AWESOME WHO YOU CAN SUPPORT RIGHT NOW!
Many special musicians have released music in the last years that is really good. Some that come to mind are:
Annie Ford, Miriam Elhaji, Sierra Ferrell, Heather Littlefield, The Lovestruck Balladeers, Chris Acker, Okay, Crawdad, Mashed Potato Records Compilations, Cinderwell, Taylor Plas, Sabine McCalla, The Four O'Clock Flowers, Jerron Paxton, Meredith Axelrod, Jackson Lynch, Feral Foster, Ali Dineen, Joanna Sternberg, The Blue Dirt of Paradise Album, Allyson Yarrow Pierce, Marina Allen, Ben Varian, Cameron Boyce, Wolfgang Strutz, Frankie Sunswept, The Daiquiri Queens, Gus Clark, and SO MANY MORE!!!
THOUGHTS ABOUT CORONA-TIME LANGUAGE, PLACELESS-NESS, AND SOME THINGS TO READ
Eve Sedgwick's essay about paranoid reading, which I have quoted in this newsletter, is a very interesting read during this time. Can there be another mode of knowing, besides the paranoid form? She writes:
“The unidirectionally future-oriented vigilance of paranoia generates, paradoxically, a complex relation to temporality that burrows backward and forward: because there must be no bad surprises, and because learning of the possibility of a bad surprise would itself constitute a bad surprise, paranoia requires that bad news be always already known.”
WELCOME TO THE NEWS CYCLE RIGHT NOW.
Basically coronavirus news rewards our paranoia - we can’t know enough, be prepared enough, be vigilante enough, because the enemy is everywhere and nowhere. Our enforced isolation is the ideal environment for cultivating preparations against bad surprises. We are hoarders not only of toilet paper, but of ideas about futures that might come. And should they come, we won’t be surprised. And weirdly, never be rewarded for our hard work of being paranoid.
This article in French articulates how the unknown vector points of Corona Virus makes this epidemic experience unique, in terms of plague history. Or, weclome to, “Even Boris Johnson can be Infected: the Plague.”
I am enjoying, forevermore, the writing of a young architecture critic named Kate Wagner. She runs a blog called McMansion Hell, which, aside from making hilarious dissecting memes about the architectural form of the McMansion, also offers really informative and accessible writing about architectural forms. Living in the grey concrete slab city of Brest brought me to her essays about Brutalism. Her writing expands the history of how humans have constructed and conceived of place into broad, yet pointed, explorations of economic, social, and queer histories. She wrote my favorite piece ever, about how the language of capitalism, or “HR Speak”, has entered into relationships. Have you ever been charged by a friend for “emotional labor”? Has your grandma ever “reached out” to you? Welcome to relating to others at the time of friendship being a commodity. Which is also why “practicing social distancing” as a phrase, terrifies me. That sounds like something a new-age spiritual tech-CEO would say to employees to get them to work more. Plus, aren’t we already “practicing social distancing” in the isolation experienced under late capitalism? Furthermore, what the hell are we “practicing” for? For when this level of confinement and isolation is totally normal?
If anyone wants to have a rant about the creepy, weird, self-help-y language of quarantine - “Shelter in Place?” - seriously? They might as well just change it to “Namasté in my house” - Please, feel free to “Reach Out”. (pukes).
If you want to get down with how placeless places were already propagating, pre-Shelter in Place, please read Kyle Chayka’s piece on “Air-Space”. It’s that minimalist Air-BNB aesthetic found worldwide - anonymous white rooms with a crisp white duvet cover and a strong wifi connection. What happens we being somewhere doesn’t require actually having an experience of anywhere? Thankfully, Kyle and Kate were on a panel together called The Architecture of Consumption. I love this discussion. I adore these people. I feel like they are my family members. 10 out of 10 would quarantine with.
Jeremiah Moss’ shamelessly nostalgic Vanishing New York blog is an interesting, if depressing, place to go watch the city shift from online. The author writes under a pseudonym, presumably because it frees up his ability to be obsessive and maybe grossly romantic about a neighborhood he moved to in college. On this blog, I see a resistance to the gentrification of the East Village, by someone longing for more bohemian bygone days. I am pretty strongly in that camp, about all places, even those I never experienced the cool time in, firsthand. The East Village neighborhood is an important part of my writing project in New York City, about a relative who lived there from 1976-83. I’m interested in what drives people right now to want to preserve spaces where things happened. My hope is that coronavirus slows us down to the point where we can really come to appreciate being and participating in the psychical world. I believe humans are lacking communion with locality. If we consider our homes like wonderful multilayered universes, why would we ever want to cut them up, sell them, and extract their minerals for profit?
A friend mailed me the book Braiding Sweetgrass, by Robin Wall Kimmerer. This book has helped me re-consider the way I interact with place - whether I am outside or inside.
Lately I have been developing this really personal relationship with my favorite bowl in this apartment. She’s a big brown bowl with a pyrex lid. We’ve named her Brownie. I sung a song about Brownie to myself as I was cleaning the dishes today. I think I love her. I want to protect my cabinets. My house. My apartment building. My block. The sun, the sky, the seagulls. Loving one bowl can change your life. I hope more real estate developers come to love bowls. And thus, the buildings where things happened can stay, and more things can happen in them.
An interesting and really out there essay is Within the Context of no Context. Written in the 80s, when The New Yorker let its writers fill an entire issue with one essay, the words seem to signal the period we are now living in. The essay speaks of a coming world were visions and connections are experienced in shimmers, signals, on screens. Media, weirdness, isolation. It’s a beautiful and odd and haunting piece of writing. I couldn’t help but read “Within The Context of No Context”, by looking at its context. Literally in the pages of a magazine advertising the burgeoning Yuppie lifestyle. Luxury apartments for sale in the East Village, diamond bracelets by mail order, vacations in European locales at so-and-so phone number - these temptations call out around the demented text. The ads win, convincing readers to abandon any discomfort they feel reading the essay, to enter the shiny world of Reagan-era plenty coming into being in New York.
Fast forward to the present day, when this particular Target Store arrives. I won’t explain it, I think the blog post will speak for itself.
But the blog to end all blogs is certainly Jack Brummet’s blog, All This is That. My uncle passed away one year today, and left the world with this amazing, dense blog, which he maintained religiously from 2004 - 2018. It’s actually a universe of his life and interests, along with anecdotes and tales he cataloged and collected from family and friends. He was committed to documenting his personal social sphere. He was the first person to ever write an album review for me. I felt like he really considered me to be a great and important artist, and I felt the same about him, and still do.
On his blog you will find the world of his beautiful mind. His archives of pictures from hanging around Bellingham, his stories of growing up hillbilly in Kent, his art and poetry, explorations of topics ranging from Aliens, to Sasquatch, to Rock n’ Roll, to the origin of the smiley face, to mugshots of 30s prostitutes in Montreal, to his Political opinion pieces, to Conspiracies, to Thrift Store Finds, to articles written by his Pseudonyms, to many a memory about living in New York with the Currans and their friends, in those late 70s, early 80s years. The Jack-i-verse is a very special place. Rest in Peace, my beloved weirdo inspiration godfather.
There are so many medias to consume. I’m sure we’re all hanging out too much on the internet anyway. You probably don’t need any more reason to do so. That being said, you can also watch the music video I made in Brest called Rough to Ride. Otherwise, I don’t know, paint a mural in your house, make up a play, stare into space, get a therapist online, GO ON RENT STRIKE AND WORK STRIKE AND GENERAL STRIKE, and email me if you're bored.
As always, please feel free to share this newsletter with anyone you think would enjoy it, and hey! Start your own why don’t ya. We little humans are individually so much more interesting than the New York Times. Together, we can make slow, imaginative, alternative public medias and modes of thought. Until that day, there is always The Onion, whose Corona coverage has just been incredible.
I love you! Take care of yourselves and your people!
Your friend,
Melanie Beth Curran
PS, OH YES. My living room is officially renamed "Brest Beach", for the way the sun comes through the windows in the afternoon, creating spaces on the floor perfectly suited for laying out a towel, getting in swimsuits, and sunbathing. By the time quarantine is done, I will probably have a tan, and an entire album worth of beach songs. Watch out Jimmy Buffet!
Melanie Curran’s six song EP features beloved classics and two original songs. Accompanied by guitarist Jake Sanders, the Lost Love Tapes ring out in melodic lo-fi.
My intent as an artist is to venerate common spaces. To map the tension between the now and the has been, and to observe how memory looks against the backdrop of present day. My project in New York has been to write a book about my deceased Uncle Colin’s life in this city. He lived here from 1976 to 1983, before taking his own life at 25. My days are spent finding out as much about him as possible, including the historic backdrop of his time period in the East Village.
I stress that I can only tell his story by mapping my own interest in it. By highlighting the contours of my curiosity, I thus make my life into text and art, and render a composite of him. The particular way I bumble over his artifacts and stare at the façades of buildings where he used to go, shows more than anything how grief, a suicide, an absence is passed through a family. I find so much comfort in knowing that not knowing is a valid position to take as a writer. That there is no need to improve a narrative or impose a storyline, when I can write my own confusion elegantly. Mine is a purposeful mistranslation of history or of his story. I write a book at ease with not having the answers.
I built my proposal for a Fulbright grant with the same intention, that as an ethnographic writer coming into the traditional music community in Finistère, Bretagne, I would have little if nothing to say about ‘what is going on’. Instead, I proposed to write about what I did not know, based on an accumulation of interviews, musical knowledge, and archival materials. And guess what? The governments of America and France have approved my project. I will be moving to France in Fall to simply be with musicians, learn new musical techniques, and write about my own sense of dislodgement during my nine month research period. Time enough for a baby! A baby of non-knowledge. Please, please come and visit me here.
When I left my love in January, I spent the first days alone, crying in an apartment in Catania, Sicily. Resting on the bed, as though fated, was a book chronicling the influence of artist Sophie Calle. The book was written in dense art-critic French, but I could understand enough. Sophie Calle is the queen of the First Person, Moi:Je. In all her work, she is always there (video, text). There is no art without her body and her curiosity. She does no hiding, except if it is from those she stalks publicly. I figured her as my patron saint as I delved deeper into the Italian language, into feeling my foreignness, and into the pain of losing someone I had loved so much. She was with me as I took a photograph of my tear-soaked face in the mirror, mascara blackening my cheeks. That misery can be a state of grace. She was with me as I came back to New York to document my inability to tell, coupled with my devotion to the cause of telling.
The events have occurred rapid-fire since I returned to New York. My book stared to take on a velocity of its own. So many rejection letters came from so many publications at once. An acceptance came from Fulbright. Heartbreak, more of it, all of it. Therapy- yes. A musical performance. I was sexually assaulted. The person who did this to me a couple weeks ago is a part of a group of people who I met last year. When I met this group last year, another member of that group threatened to rape me. I can remember running away from him through the streets of Chelsea, terrified for my life. Today I have a renewed sense of when certain environments are not hospitable to my radiance. I continue to mine for the truth in spaces I feel safe and loved.
These two months have been some of the most intense months of my time on earth. Through my research, I learned something terrifying and illuminating about my deceased uncle (You'll have to read my book!) There has been sobbing, and more sobbing. What didn’t redeem me kept me moving. I have learned to recognize that as I grow stronger, certain people will try to bring me down. I purchased an electric blue power suit. I conducted a disco photo shoot in the front bedroom. I have spent hours banging on the fucking piano.
I have my body. The way people will decide what kind of life I should be living, based on the way my body looks, are deeply mired in their own pain. Thank you to those who have supported me in this intense time, who have celebrated with me, who have been there for me as I cry. Because as a woman (a Western Female?) grows, it will become clear to her the people in her midst who are incapable of letting her be powerful. And I have seen those souls and I touch them.
Performances:
Tonight! March 20th, 9pm, Jalopy Theater Roots and Ruckus, Red Hook Brooklyn
Western Female Pacific Northwest Tour!
May 24th, Folklife Festival, Seattle, WA American Standard Time Stage
May 25th, The Roost, Bellingham, WA
More dates TBA!
Publications:
I wrote this book review in The Brooklyn Rail:
https://brooklynrail.org/2019/02/books/Girl-Zooby-Aimee-Parkison-and-Carol-Guess
And interviewed Francisco Cantú, author of The Line Becomes a River:
https://newschoolwriting.org/interview-with-2019-nonfiction-finalist-francisco-cantu/
RECOMMENDATIONS!
Late Night YouTube Hits from Feral Foster’s Kitchen:
Busta Rhymes, Gimme Some More
Whitney Houston Singing the National Anthem at 1991 Superbowl
Really long and emotional Thai commercials ... or this one
Movies where women are filming themselves and their buddies:
Double Blind (No Sex Last Night) by Sophie Calle
She Had Her Gun All Ready by Vivienne Dick (I get to meet her in April!!!!!!)
Paris is Burning by Jennie Livingston (Maybe her subjects are not really her buddies, that is up for debate online, but WATCH THIS MOVIE Jesus. So incredible.)
Best of My Netflix Breakup Binge:
Russian Doll with Natasha Lyonne: My favorite piece of new TV. Particularly with regard to ghosts and the East Village
Dear White People by Justin Simien: A great show depicting a group of black students on a majority white campus, and what that means.
GLOW: Female wrestlers in the early 80s. So much good.
And the Crown Jewel of My Life:
Five Foot Two, The Lady Gaga Documentary. Also this interview with Lady Gaga.
The Extended Diamond Brand Universe:
Sophia Tschida of Wolf Moon Doula is a star birth practitioner in Kitsap County. She is organizing the Peninsula Birth and Baby Expo in Bremerton, Washington on March 30th.
Hannah and Marc Doucette, also of Kitsap, are the dream team behind Wassail Ecological Landcare and can help make your permaculture design and implementation dreams come true.
Jon Glovin sells a very exciting collection of books online at Fenrick Books.
Beto Bonus:
The American Poetess in me loves Beto O'Rourke's musings about America.
Long live hope and pleasure.
Peace be with you for Spring! See you soon!
Love Melanie