Deranged April Fools Day Pranks to Play on Your Family and Friends

Friday. March 31st. 5pm. After accidentally eating a few bites of hazelnut, disguised as a harmless crumble crust on a strawberry cheesecake from Clementine Bakery, I accepted my fate. I was now going to have a mild to moderate allergic reaction. I hopped on the B52 bus and got off next to Prospect Drugs, my dear and beloved neighborhood pharmacy. I bought some medicine, sat my butt down in a chair and resolved to wait there until the benadryl kicked in. I figured this was smart. People are around if my throat starts to close up. The people that were around were actually just one person, a teenager working behind the counter named Ailyn. Pronounced. Eileen. 

We got to talking. I said I was looking for April Fools Day Pranks to play on you, dear reader. 

This following list was a team effort. Ailyn came up with a lot of these prank ideas. If you are Ailyn’s friend or family member, watch out, you are going to get pranked today.

Ailyn informed me that the key to any good prank is Gaslighting. Ailyn then elaborated on the trifold principles central to this practice: “Gaslight, Girlboss, Gatekeep.” It is in that spirit that I offer to you our list:

FOOLPROOF APRIL FOOLS DAY PRANKS

Psyche Out

Inform everyone beforehand to expect a prank from you today. Then do not deliver. 

Alien Baby

Go on google images and find a photograph of a scary little creature. Send a letter or email to your friends and family saying something like this, “Hi guys, you know I’ve been off of social media lately. I want to announce the reason! I’ve been nurturing a little bun in the oven and wanted to keep it a secret. This week I gave birth to this little guy, [insert image of a turtle with a mouse face/creepy skeleton/classic green alien]. I don’t know where it came from, but it is my bundle of love. Thank you so much for your support. Please send me money.” Or something like that. 

Caged

Send out an email like this:

“Omg i cant believe it I was able to reach out from my cage and grab ahold of this computer. SOS i need help please please listen to me. I am in a cage in the basement of Luigi’s Pizza. I am about to drown in tomato sauce, please, they are slowly pumping tomato sauce into the basement and I am locked in cage down here. I can barely use the keys on this computer to type, they are slowly being consumed by the growing amount of sauce i am up to my ankles in sauce please send help i can’t believe i got a wifi signal down here the wifi name is SAUCE BOSS and I just guessed the password and got lucky its a miracle the password was not today alfredo not today i can’t believe it please come save me I am down here and it is not looking good it’s Luigi’s Pizzzzzzxzziadhlshd;asgba;oduhasidfj on nnnn as shalihfg aowashingtonnnnn avbeeeeenueeeeeaiusaliueeeee eeee in clinnnntoon hillllllll”

Ransom

“Friends and Family of Melanie Curran. We have your girl. We can disclose the location of her if you send us money, blah blah blah, she’s gonna die, give us a million dollars.”

Mafia

“Hi Guys, It’s your girl Melanie. I am writing today with some super exciting news! In May I am moving to the gorgeous Todt Hill neighborhood on Staten Island to join forces with the Gambino family. I think what they do is super important and I just can’t believe I have been given this opportunity to grow my brand with them. I am inspired by their super deep family values. As you know, legacy is extremely important to who I am and how I project myself on social media. The Gambinos embody this lifestyle at a level I find truly manifested and futureforming. I believe that by working in an exclusive brand deal with them, I can inspire other women to be their best selves and live abundantly. I am super excited to join this incredible international organization.”

Elopement

Send out an email telling everyone I have eloped-

“Hey everyone! This winter something amazing happened. I met the man of my dreams. He is heir to the Bon Jovi family fortune and we are soooooooo happy together. We have already been betrothed, but I thought I would let you know so you can send us presents. Our registry is linked below:

(then give link to one of those real wedding websites like “Zola” or the “Knot”. FIll it out with superimposed images of me and some guy who looks like he could be related to Bon Jovi, and then link to registry that is filled with the following item ONLY:

Eggs

Easter egg dying stuff

NYC statue of liberty key chains

Knives)

Bad Gift

This is one Aylin actually did to her cousin. Gave her a present for her birthday that was just a cup of sugar. Nice one. 

So. I was going to prank you this April Fools Day. As of this morning, I was still planning on sending one of these hoaxes out to you. I thought long and hard about my options. What would make Aylin proud? Then, it dawned on me.

I have lived many lifetimes. I have had many escapades. I have often reinvented myself. If I told you I was engaged to Robert Dinero’s cousin’s cousin and was moving to a towel factory and devoting my life to giving orphans the opportunity to ride on the yachts of billionaires, I think you would have just believed me. The best prank is no prank, from where I am sitting. I’ve put you all through enough. So. Please feel free to use any of these templates on your people today. Let me know how it goes!